- 2011

Moved

2011-02-13T10:25:00.002+08:00

No longer blogging here,

thanks for dropping by.

Lust: Christina Aguilera

2011-01-25T09:29:00.005+08:00

Newfound love for Christina Aguilera.
Stills from her debut movie, Burlesque.
Thin plot but great vocals from Cher and her.

I love the outfits too, especially the one adorned with pearls!

"Show a little more, show a little less,
add a little smoke, welcome to burlesque."

新不了情

2011-01-23T23:21:00.006+08:00

Zermatt, photographed by Gerry Pacher

心若倦了泪也干了
这份深情难舍难了
曾经拥有天荒地老
已不见你暮暮与朝朝
这一份情永远难了
愿来世还能再度拥抱
爱一个人如何厮守到老
怎样面对一切我不知道
回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了今夜的你应该明了
缘难了情难了

Much as I want to, I cannot.
Truth be told, I am really tired and have forgotten how it feels like to be in love.
I have nothing more to give as well.
I have questions for you but I know you will not give me the (real) answers.
Perhaps this is our destiny, perhaps I will always be in love with you.

Travel: Batam

2011-01-18T10:05:00.007+08:00

Took a short trip to Batam with Sharon over the weekend for a breather.

We put up at the Holiday Inn, which was... family-oriented and rather crowded.
There were many couples as well... *rolls eyes*

After we changed $15 to IDR for A&W, we realized their prices on the menu did not include taxes yet (for some unknown reason) and we were short of $1!
Not to mention I had already got conned at the money changer.
It was rather embarassing but in the end, they waived it off.
No Singaporeans in the queue offered to help, what the fuck.

I thought the night view looked a lot better than in the day, but I doubt I will return.
I don't really like big family-oriented resorts.

Also took the courage to go cycling alone around Batam.
I got lost while looking for the beach and hit the expressway.
So I got down and carried the bicycle across the road to U-turn.
So many cars and bikes horned at me.
I think some even mocked me. What the fuck.

I have yet to visit Cameron Highlands, Rawa and other neighbouring islands!
I must do it before I leave for Sydney.

And I am very excited to parasail for my birthday!
NOTHING CAN STOP ME.

2011-01-15T01:16:00.002+08:00

Someday when you come down off your high horse,
you will realize you are nobody.

Life is to be lived.

Grand Finale

2011-01-14T14:22:00.004+08:00

I just knew I had to check your Facebook wall to really call it quits and wake up my idea. My intuition is always right.

So here goes:

"It's very disappointing you're the person you are now. You changed so much it's appalling. The truth is very stark that you're that asshole that I thought you were and don't tell me I don't have a right to lecture you cos if I don't, no one has. All along you were just after sex, and you got it. Even when you met me for New Year's Eve, it was not for farewell, but you just wanted a fuck. You're cheap and shallow. I hurt you but it's not that you don't know how to salvage the r/s, you don't want to. Judging on how we hung out, we could get along like before, but you just don't want to. You're already over the hurt but you just don't want to commit anymore. You just wanna fuck around. Fuck your non-existent values, fuck your ego. Since you're seeing other girls just tell me so. Don't tell me stupid shit like "Even if I were interested in someone, I wouldn't know how to love or be loved" or "Even if I liked someone..." No one has the key to your heart now? Haha fuck that. You don't have a heart you only have a cock. Why, we were together for 6 years, you cannot tell me straight you're on your way to screwing other girls? You thanked the whole world for their birthday wishes but you don't reply mine? What the fuck, so you cannot even tell me to fuck off, you just leave me hanging? You are a complete dick. Let me tell you this, get over your stupid anger and hatred cos YOU walked out of the r/s, not me. You could not give me the chance to make mistakes and learn. YOU threw the r/s away. And you have shitty friends who give you shitty influences and introduce you shitty people. Seriously. Months or years later when you look back you will realize what a shit you are now. You don't see what the flying fuck you are doing, look like or what people think of you. The only thing you are right about is the fact that you never loved or knew love. You have no fucking mind of your own and you are a drifter. Lucky you are blessed with okay looks so you can still get some. So! Great then I can move on now even though I feel fucking stupid for being hung up on you for 5 months. I hope you didn't give me AIDs though. Happy being shallow and stupid for the rest of your life and see if you can ever get someone who gave as much to and loved you and your family as I did. Last thing, please stop telling people how I betrayed you just to gain sympathy so girls will think you're so sweet and a victim? That's the most fucked up thing to do. Oh if I may genuinely advise you one last time, don't hang out with Eugene so much. Right then, this is the end."

Life: Jake (Still Alive)

2011-01-09T12:49:00.003+08:00

Harro!!! *barks lazily*

~~Joke~~ Jake is still alive and looking fine, yes?
I am really happy that he is doing so well now,
and I look forward to a life abroad with him.

I have not been feeling well for the past few months,
but now I have to say goodbye to my dreams and create new ones.
Thanks to all who have been repeating yourselves over and over, haha ♥
I WILL 振作!
Please *slap me* if I revert to being suicidal again.

I Wonder?

2011-01-08T09:58:00.003+08:00

I promise this is my last entry about you. At least for now.

Am I weak because while people can deal with a breakup over time and continue with life, I view ours as the end of the world?

Or is it because along with our breakup, I lost my best friend, my mom and brother moved out, dad has cancer, colleagues are not getting along, work is crap, my relocation plans are being postponed and I am battling super bad skin and putting on weight? On top of that, I still have to manage Jake as best as I can and look for another job? In a nutshell, my life is fucked.

Are all these possibly too much for me to handle?

You know, Justus, I really do not get you.
Seriously.

You said no matter what happens, you will always be the constant in my life to be there for me. You will love me forever and you will never love someone else. How is it now you just move on so quickly and have indirectly told me to fuck off for good? Do you honestly know what the fuck does "no matter what happens", "always" and "forever" mean?

Why the fuck does nobody keep to their promises now I wonder?

2 nights ago you said you loved me so much back then you swear you were willing to die for me.
So what, months later, you realize that it was a huge mistake and it was not love, perhaps you do not know what love is, and of course it was stupid to have wanted to be willing to die for me?

What the flying fuck, Justus?

I think I am indignant.
I cannot accept the fact that you refuse to give me ONE fucking chance despite the 1241251 chances I had given you.
I swear I will do whatever it takes to regain your trust or have you back.

Aren't you the person who dumped me years ago over sms after disappearing for days, for an older stranger you met online?

It was tough, I went through years of lost trust and insecurities but didn't we weather all those years of crap?
Are you even the same person or have you died somewhere and this person that I am dealing with is your alter ego?

Or like you said, this is the real you?
So where was the alter ego I loved?

I really cannot believe this is happening to me.
After days of wondering, I also realize that the reason why I am taking it so hard is because you were the only constant in my life, and it was insured. You were the only thing I worked hard for and maintained for years. I gave all I could and believed in a future with you.
And now you blame it all on me. Everything is just my fault.

Look.
For a 6-year relationship, you decided that it was enough of trying after 6 weeks. I am trying for 5 months now and I still harbour hopes that you might reply my text. WAKE THE FUCK UP, I tell myself.

Aren't you studying engineering? Don't you know the math?
If you take a chance with me now, there will be no more hurt. This is the end of hurt.
Opposed to you dating a new person next time, you start off on a completely new foot. You get hurt 34142 times again.
Why the fuck would you put yourself through that?

How many times we agree, until now, that what we had was beautiful?
WHY THE FUCK you want to let go?

You said it did not occur to me that what happened was the mother of all bombs to you.
Then all the accumulated shit that you did to me, that was nothing, or paled in comparison?

Oh because why, I appear strong and therefore I can handle my feelings much better?
Or what, I have gone through a lot since I was young, so nothing you do will impact me much?

Why couldn't we just keep it simple and love without all the hesitation?
Why do you have to be so cruel and insistent on protecting yourself?
You opened your heart to me for years, so what makes us so different now?
Why can't we just give it time to heal and then continue working on our future?

Best of all, you said we will always be close but there will always be a barrier between us.
And you can see us as close friends, but not as lovers anymore.
So we are not gonna marry each other!!!
Nice, that did not fucking hurt one bit.

So why can't you just let me go around the barrier and attempt breaking it down?
No. No no no no no is all you say. NO. NO AND NO AGAIN.

WHY MUST NO BE NO?
WHY CAN'T NO BE A YES, MAYBE, or WE CAN TRY?

I swear I have all these crazy ideas running through my head all the time.
But in order to remain sane, I shall just abandon all these thoughts and focus on a life abroad.
Although it is terribly arduous and who knows how long it will take, but I guess I have no choice, right? Right, you heartless creature?

Perhaps I was a devil pirate in my previous life and I had robbed your ship, therefore now you are punishing me as karma.
So I have to suck it up and leave everything to fate. *rolls eyes*

We are in control of our lives okay? Fate. Tsk.
You just fucking choose to take the easy way out.
Coward. I hate your stupid brain and weak guts.

Sigh.
I bet if I go away for a year and return after for you,
you would have forgotten me completely or moved on with someone else.
I just know it.

You... heartless.

Travel: Bintan

2011-01-06T10:46:00.009+08:00

Headed to Bintan for a getaway to rough it out in the sea.

Stayed at Bintan Agro Beach Resort which was not bad, but of course, with all things, pictures always look better than in real.

We actually completely forgot that it is monsoon season, thus we could not jetski nor snorkel! I was absolutely horrified. We also chose a low tide hour to go for water sports, thus we had to climb rocks and walk through tall grasses then take a boat, to a neighbouring island, White Sand, for the water sports.

I rather enjoyed dinners at Sun Moon restaurant especially on the first day as the weather was so beautiful and lighting was gorgeous.

We also woke up at 5am to catch a non-existent sunrise.
Seriously...

I cannot say enough how lovely it was to have the pool just next to the sea.

Took some time off to sit by myself and tan as well.
I was watching a man kitesurf effortlessly, was so inspired to pick it up actually.

Went for a Kind & Queen spa package which resulted in me unable to nap, had to get up 4 times to shower, and left me with more severe body aches. I was suffering from Neckache of the Century.

Went to hunt for the mini zoo as well.
There were talking parrots, fluffy rabbits and hideous monkeys.

Once again, with me constantly making wrong decisions, instead of opting for a nourishing facial or foot reflexology, both which I truly needed, I went for a bloody foot spa.

I really do not understand myself at all.

I just never learn lessons and I keep making wrong decisions.
I meet the wrong people and I cannot stop living in my own world.

I need a truck to knock me down so I wake up as a brand new person with permanent memory loss.

Rememberance

2011-01-01T12:17:00.005+08:00

It was the best 7 hours of my life in a long time.
We agreed to let loose and enjoy, and avoided unhappy topics.
We talked about my relocation, work, Jake, your job, school, friends...

I will always remember how the night went, just like good old times.

You picked me up, thankfully it was not awkward.
We went to shisha, we talked and laughed.
We had tequila shots at such a beautifully quiet place, and I tried piercing a ear hole for you using a safety pin.
You gently brushed the salt off my nose.
We watched the fireworks which was a real surprise as the view was distant but memorable.
We embraced in the darkness outside the building and I missed your scent.
I had my hand hooked around your arm, just like how we walked together before.
We ended off the night cuddled up in bed, gazing at each other.
Then I walked you down to the car and we stood by the road talking...

I asked you why are you so heartless.
All my inner walls broke down when you told me to take good care of myself.
It was now or never.
But I know you had already given in a big step by agreeing to see me as a farewell, so all I did was embrace you.

I felt your face with my palms, combed your hair and wrapped my arms around you tightly.
Your arms around my waist, us looking into each other's eyes.

I searched your eyes for emotions, but there were none.

You told me you still love me but in a different way now; I am special to you.
I wish I told you how sad that made me feel, to have all your emotions of me reduced to just me being special.
I wanted to say I still love you so, and I will always wait for you.
I told you that I am moving to escape from you as I do not know how to deal with it.
You told me to put myself before others for once.
I asked you is this what you are doing now - putting yourself before others?
You shrugged but I guess so.
I told you I will always remember last night, and you said you too,
and you remember everything, from Day 1 to the last of us.
You said you will see me when you see me.

We had to part as it was almost 5am.
Why did we have to part at all?

We were meant for each other.
We spent years together, we grew up together, we were building a future together.
Yet perhaps I, blew everything up, and now, we are reduced to less than strangers.

I will never forget all that we had and shared.
I will never forget that we spent another, a last, New Year together.
I will never forget you and I hope you will never cast me aside in your heart.

Be Gone, 2010

2010-12-27T13:54:00.009+08:00

The year is coming to an end, and I am really ending mine with a bang.

I dealt with and learnt a lot this year, so much so I think this year will definitely be stuck in my memory for a long time.

I do not need fancy gifts or unwavering attention.
All I asked for was mutual unconditional faith and trust.

Perhaps I am one of the few people who still believed in romance, or keeping to my promises.

For the longest time, I chased after a fantasy.
A fantasy that love can be of handwritten letters, homecooked dinners and slow evenings on the beach.

Yet, the past few months have taught me that while this does happen, it will not happen to me.
From small daily events to big life-changing moments, I am often unfortunate.

I learned the true meaning of betrayal.
Tiny lies used to hurt, but big ones really pierce the heart.

I learned what heartless really means.
Moving on does not mean you are positive, it only says you are decisive about being cruel.

I realized how I cannot take back my affection for someone.
All the emotions I had invested in someone, I cannot simply withdraw.

I witnessed that no matter how undeserving some people are,
they will still be blessed, receive all the love in the world, and soak in happiness.

Nothing in this world is fair.
I used to think that my hard work will pay off, my sincerity will touch people, my genuine faith will eventually change someone.

But I was just being hopeful.

That is the problem with me.

I had been too hopeful over the wrong things, and I realized that where human beings are concerned, there is no fairness, rationality, grace and forgiveness.

On hindsight, I often do many things on impulse only to regret them later.

I cannot undo the damage neither can I change the facts.
I have no energy to chase after a distant dream and further keep up my hopes.

I look forward to moving away and meeting new people.
People who will do me justice and make me feel good.

I am just so tired of moronic nonsense and undying crap treatment.
I had enough of giving chances and not receiving any.
I am done with people who make me feel like shit.

I want to start feeling good and being happy ♡
With that, be gone 2010, and I hope 2011 brings good news.

Whoever you are reading this, I hope you are a pleasant person,
and if you are, good luck for the new year☺

Etro Anime - Let It Go

2010-12-19T21:18:00.004+08:00

I know I am supposed to get my act together, start learning to be happy and move on.
I have tried for days, and for these days that I have tried,
the truth is so resounding - I am not up to it. I am weak.
4 months on, it still aches so much.
Today is the same as yesterday, yesterday was the same as the previous.
I keep clawing at your shadow, at our memories.

I do not know how to do this. At all.
How can I simply store years of memories into a memory stick and chuck it somewhere?
Sure, I have taken down things that were us, but I know they are there, just tucked away.
I cannot possibly throw everything away.

Tell me this is just a really rough patch, time will heal and we will get back together?

No?

It is not happening, is it...
I know. Everything is over.

We stay just down the street from each other, yet you deny me the chance to see you.
You can be so heartless in a matter of weeks, just selfishly deciding to move on for good.
And you really did.
Is this the person you have worked to conceal for years?

It is such a mockery because the person I was in love with, was just someone I wanted to be with. It was not you.

Either way, the whole relationship was such a joke. I feel so stupid,
but more so for the fact that I am still hung up on you.

No, your shadow.
I am still in love with your shadow.

Life: Random

2010-12-18T10:39:00.005+08:00

As a filler and because I was really curious (and bored), I Googled largest dogs in the world...

And guess what I found.

And the tallest dog in the world goes to a Great Dane, George, who is in the Guinness Book of Records. Not a joke.

I totally went OMFG when I saw the pictures and read about him.

Obviously he makes Jake look like a mere elf.

And I found this rather adorable photo of a puppy with the longest tongue!

Being Happy

2010-12-10T14:56:00.003+08:00

For years, I've been constantly unhappy.
Even when I was happy with someone, it was just for a little while.

Happiness was never in my dictionary - I always had ready reasons for being sad, cynical and skeptical about life on a whole.
I detested anything remotely happy, I hated happy people.

But from now, I will try to be.

I can't say enough how much damage being unhappy did to my well-being, mental state and skin (yes...).
I never understood how it's possible to brush aside the unpleasantries and keep up a smile.

That being said, I have to thank you and you for making me feel ultimate shit on earth,
thus prompting me to take such a severe action.

Never will I be left behind while everyone has moved on,
never will I look back no matter how tough it is,
and happiness, here I come :)

Incantation

2010-11-25T12:20:00.003+08:00

I am calling it a day

2010-11-02T09:28:00.008+08:00

思念代表什么?

单方面的牵挂, 又何苦呢?

我不想继续等待你的奢侈了。

Life: Vindicate / Chasten

2010-11-01T10:39:00.014+08:00

It was a nice last outing for the 3 of us!

"Pain reaches the heart with electrical speed,
but truth moves to the heart as slowly as a glacier."

And this is where it all ends!

It sure took me a while but THANKFULLY I woke up!

I'd type you a 500-page book on how disgusting your character is,
but I've wasted enough time on you, motherfucker.

Hey Shawn, thanks for all the redundant, insane and stupid lies, bastard.

You probably started lying to me since we met in secondary school, no?
Yes? Doesn't matter as you will definitely burn in hell, like I wished you earlier.

You're sincerely the most fucked up and shameless person I have met in my life so far,
a pity your friends can't see you for the real piece of shit you are,
because your acting is that good.

In fact, I salute you, for still attempting to be humble!
Oh c'mon, if anything, it will be us learning from you how to lie...

Well done, bestieeeeeeeeeee!

Thanks in advance for fucking off from my life for good,
and no, I do not "Wanna meet? :)"

See, you messed with the wrong person, fucktard.
_|_ _|_

Life: Thoughts

2010-10-27T15:24:00.003+08:00

I am going through a whirlwind of emotions,
and it is amazing how well the whole deception was orchestrated.

Unbeknownst to me, I have been bashed over and over,
right in my face, and I never thought it would happen to me.

Luckily I found out before it can sink any deeper,
and I am glad I have put everything down to move on.

It is not something that I can salvage neither do I want to, anymore.

I sincerely thank you for showing me the *real* you,
for reiterating that I am extremely gullible,
for having great fun taking me on such a big ride,
for being the single most fucked up person I have ever known in my life so far.

Life: Jake (Week 3)

2010-10-25T06:54:00.007+08:00

Jake is still alive.
But I can't say the same for myself.

Honestly, as the days pass, it gets more and more trying.
Jake is really turning into a monster, and much as I have to be patient,
I do feel like he's really, really testing my boundaries.

Early last week, he rolled in human vomit on a morning walk.

It took me all the time and greatest calmness in the world to shower him for the first time, where he struggled like crazy in the toilet.
Not to mention the stench of the vomit.

Fuck that human who vomitted in the grass.

Not sure when or how, he suffered an abrasion on his knee.

Some sticky residue he got on his tail.
I just had to include his black balls, hahaha.

He also rolled in incence and offerings on an evening walk,
and yesterday morning, there was some petrol on the road and he rolled in it as well.

Heartstopping, in a bad way.

But I'm glad he's finally putting his paws to good use.
When I first got him, his paws were completely smooth.

He doesn't look the same as when I first got him, right?
I kind of suspect the groomer swapped dogs and my Jake is roaming the streets somewhere.

It was a full moon a couple of days ago, and he was staring at the moon for the longest time.
Just staring.

The other day, he tried attacking Yun Xuan and I after he succesfully struggled free from his collar and leash, and ran away.

When I took him on an evening walk, he got very aggressive and tried to bite me.

This morning, I woke up to him biting his collar and dog tag, which were already on the floor.
I am unsure how he managed to free himself, but he's definitely scaring me.

I also cannot stomach the fact that apart from occasionally peeing in my bed,
now he has the courage to sleep in my bed, while I shower.
Despite my yelling at him, he will lazily get up and off the bed, after a few minutes.

Sooner or later, I will wake up without some fingers and toes.
Wish me all the best okay?

Life: Closure

2010-10-23T09:45:00.003+08:00

Sweetheart, I looked through our photos accumulated over the years.

I miss the good, old times so much.

I cannot say enough sorry's to ever right my wrong,
and it hurts that we have come to this pathetic stage, like our paths have never crossed.

Many people tell me 6 years is not short, and it will not be easy to let go.
How would I not know that?

You're a beautiful person, and it is entirely my loss to have walked away.
Even though I never intended to walk away for good, but over the past few months,
misunderstandings fueled with delusion made me do so.

I know you have tried, and I am sorry to have realized too late.

I told myself to seek you when the time is right,
but I guess it is selfish of me.

Since you have adamantly decided to not give me a chance and move on,
perhaps I should just respect your decision and not chase after you anymore.

We are both jaded, and it is seemingly pointless to cling onto the shadow of you,
knowing I have become completely replaceable and forgettable in your heart.

I still firmly believe that I may have been clouded, but I have not changed.
But I cannot say the same for you, for when you left my place,
you took along the person I fell for and was in love with.

You will always remain very special to me,
and my heart will always be lingering for you.

Life: Thoughts

2010-10-21T16:55:00.004+08:00

王菲 - 不留

我把风景给了你日子给了他
我把笑容给了你把宽容给了他
我把思念给了你身体给了他
我把眼泪给了你
我把照片给了你
日历给了他我把颜色给了你
把风景给了他我把距离给了你
无言给了他

我把烟花给了你节日给了他
我把电影票给了你我把座位给了他
我把烛光给了你晚餐给了他
我把歌点给了你麦克风递给他
声音给了你画面给了他我把情节给了你
结局给了他我把水晶鞋给了你
十二点给了他

我把心给了你身体给了他情愿甚么也不留下
再也没有甚么牵挂
如果我还有哀伤让风吹散它
如果我还有快乐
如果我还有哀伤让风吹散它
如果我还有快乐也许吧

Life: Jake (Week 2)

2010-10-18T20:12:00.006+08:00

I survived the second week with Jake.

But this week didn't really count cos I had quite some help from my mom,
who thankfully has taken a huge liking to him.

Jake has eaten stones off the roadside,
dripped blood non-stop due to deep cuts on his gums,
vomitted while sleeping and...
pooped in my living room,
pooped in my balcony,
pooped in my brother's room,
pooped in my room,
pooped in the middle of pedestrian crossing,
pooped on my hand...

And is still alive!

While I survived endless 3-4-5am walks :D

Did I mention that I lost grip of the leash a few days ago?
I chased him down the streets at fucking 4am!
Sigh.
God bless ~~little monster psycho of a dog~~ Jake.

Also took Jake for his weekly grooming, and shaved him.
I know it sounds a little mean but I am scared to stroke him now.
Feels like his bare skin! It just feels so weird and close to his intestines and balls...
Not to mention I have accidentally cupped his balls while carrying him.
It felt truly disturbing.

Think it will take 2-3 months for his fur to all grow out again.

Been taking him to pet shops and vets, he's costing me a lot but I can't possibly abandon him now, can I?

It would be absolutely inhumane of me, seeing what a darling he is.

Life: Five-Four

2010-10-16T00:21:00.009+08:00

More than anything, I need you back so bad and want to give you everything I can and cannot.

I know the hurt and pain, but you choose to walk away from our golden moments.

Perhaps, like you, I have forgotten how to love.

It is certainly sad as hell because this feels truly final.

Is this the best for you and me?

I do not want to part at all...

Auf wiedersehen, my love.

Life: Thoughts

2010-10-13T15:53:00.004+08:00

Familiarity that was lost and regained,

feels almost perfect but foreign at the same time.

A gaze, a smile, a caress, a brush, a touch, a hug.

Gently.

Softly.

Quickly.

You punish me.
You torture me.
You kill me.

Life: Jake (Week 1)

2010-10-11T14:24:00.007+08:00

My first week with Jake was, suffice to say, horrible.

I mean, of course I enjoyed bonding with and watching him sleep for hours, but I don't enjoy the morning licks on my face to go for walks...

Which happens between 2-5am.
What kind of hour is that? When I walk him, the whole neighbourhood is dead!

Sigh.

Also, Jake has really grown in size and is starting to rebel!
~~Little~~ monster.
But I'm glad he's looking much healthier now compared to when I first got him.

I've been putting him on good food, supplements, whitening grooming, teeth strengthening, milk, vitamins and such... Tons of treats for him as well.
He poops and pees anywhere he likes...
Gets walked 2-3 times a day...
Has a blasting fan to himself...
Adoration from everyone...

He's living the life man.
And I'm being a slave.

I'm not sure if I can do this for years, honestly.
I do feel like giving up now, before it gets too late, but I do find him very pitiful, and besides, the whole reason why I adopted him was to have a companion, albeit a really expensive one.

I've not shopped since I returned from Hong Kong and I have kissed my social life goodbye.

Day in and out, I am attending to him, constantly worried for him, thinking of what else I can do for him.
I hope he realizes what a sweetie pie I am to him.

Just wanna say thanks to my friends for kindly dropping by my place the past week to hang out with me Jake, really appreciate the compromise :)

Life: Pet Peeves

2010-10-09T14:59:00.002+08:00

It's high time I put up this list so people will realize I'm tired of being taken advantage of. I'm not the easiest-going person, but I am sincere to my good friends, you know that, don't you?

1) Owing me photos
I am really fast in uploading photos but I don't know why people can owe photos for the longest time. What's the point in taking and not sharing them? I kind of feel stupid sometimes, being excited, touching up the photos and sharing them, and then having to wait for photos from others, which most likely will never happen. In that case, let's never take photos using your camera, okay?

2) Putting me down over and over
I don't think I am stupid or dumb. Sometimes I play silly just to be the joke so we can have a casual good laugh, but it's not cool when you keep doing it over and over, treating me like a real joke. It's okay to tell me FYL, but not cool to keep harping on how fucked up my life is. Prolonged jokes relating to my failure in getting a driving licence not appreciated.

3) Thinking I jiak kantang (eat potato)
This one baffles me. My whole life, people think I only speak English and my Mandarin sucks. It is really quite insulting because I believe I'm well-versed in both, especially having taken Higher Chinese for years! People tend to give me the raised eyebrow and "Wah..." when I speak Mandarin. I really don't understand, this is taking me at face value, isn't it? Besides, which part of my face says I only know how to converse in English? Let's not even go into the "Omg you sing karaoke?! Chinese songs?! Don't bluff..." conversations.

4) Thinking I am rich
I admit that I'm materialistic (branded goods are investments to me) but I really get offended when people always ask where my money comes from, or casually say that I'm rich, which tends to lead to the question of where I get my money. It's really none of your business, so quit asking! And besides, I am extremely poor with handling money or saving, and definitely perpetually broke.

5) Lying
I can't say enough how important this is to me. Most people don't tolerate lies, but I take this very seriously. Lying to and getting found out by me, blows all your chances of reconciling the friendshit back to how it was, and there's no way I will ever forgive. I can make-pretend and hang out, apparently hoping that it can go back to how it was, but knowing deep down, how severe the damage is. Lying to me is treating me like a fool, fooling me happily and thinking you can get away with it. You are condemned.

On a side note, my mother just had her fortune read by this famous Indian man (months of queueing just to consult him) and he told her that I'll marry in 2-3 years' time! But he stressed that............ one of my friends is cheating me. I believe taking advantage of my goodwill and sincerity, and perhaps lying repeatedly to me. I wonder who, hahaha.

Life: Moving On

2010-10-06T16:28:00.004+08:00

Many people have asked me if I realize I made an expensive mistake.

I have to agree.
It was a mistake that could have been avoided, but I took the gamble.

It didn't last,
and in the end, everything that I've worked for, came to nothing.
I couldn't salvage it and this has greatly altered my life.

Perhaps, I am the only one who has lost,
but if I hadn't made this mistake,
I wouldn't have seen the truth about reality,
and much less adopted Jake.

Never give your 100% to anyone, never.
In the end, you lose everything, including yourself.

Life: Jake

2010-10-04T22:33:00.003+08:00

Second entry in a day about Jake.

During our evening walk, I decided to take him to another pet shop to get new toys and seek more advice from another professional.

Turns out that I was hugely mistaken about the renowned shop and vet that I visited earlier,
and I've spent a bomb on almost nothing.

As I found out, Jake is very weak.
He's got low immunity and dehydrated,
malnourished and unkempt.
His fur is mostly yellowish instead of pure white, like it should be.
His teeth are rotting from bad food and his paws are severely underused due to neglect.
He has been fed leftover human food instead of good dog food since he was born.
He has been trained to pee and poop outdoors so it is almost impossible for me to train him to do it indoors. So if left indoors, he will just keep it in, which will give him kidney / liver problems in future.
He also has a serious hip problem which causes him to limp instead of stride fiercely like he should.
He can't manage the long flights of stairs to and from my place, he just stares and stares for a long time.
He's timid, most likely beaten and abused before, hence he's so afraid.
I should not sterilize him to prevent traumatising him further.

In fact, all his problems are that of a 7-year old, when he's only 1.

I can't believe I'm crying as I'm typing this.
He's in his carpet position again, guess he's really tired from all the running, climbing and dismembering his toys.
I had to hide my dinner behind the laptop so he wouldn't notice, and I try to let him get ample rest, so I've to do everything quietly.

It's surprisingly how a dog, who has spent just 2 days with me,
makes me so emotional that I teared at the vet and pet shop.

He is still a little naughty, doesn't really obey my commands,
I foresee him peeing and pooping all over the place still,
but I'm trying to nurse him back to health with a good diet, growth supplements, vaccines, adequate exercise and a lot of love.

There is so much to learn from a dog, from Jake.
In just these 2 days, he has made me feel like all my problems are so small compared to being him, unwanted and abandoned since birth, and I just feel like I've been wasting my life, money and energy on all the wrong things, the wrong people.

Like how my colleague, Aldran, puts it,
"Humans will talk back, dogs forgive you no matter what."

With what he said in mind, I just want to do all I can for Jake, to the best of my capacity.

Life: Jake

2010-10-04T08:47:00.010+08:00

As you may know, I've adopted a Samoyed, which I've always wanted.

Well, this poor bloke here was severely neglected previously and is very timid.
I am unsure if he's been abused, but thankfully a visit to the vet didn't reveal anything worrying, except for slight murmur of the heart and other things which I couldn't hear cos the vet was drawing blood from him and I was distraught.

Anyway, I say he's neglected cos this is how a Samoyed should look like...

And this is how Jake looks like after being, perhaps, neglected and abandoned since birth...
Oh poor Jake :(

I was extremely stoked about his arrival and got him a ton of things...
I think my favorite buy must be the hamburger soft toy! (bottom right of photo)

Not to mention I've spent a bomb on this chap.
He's really obedient, that I've to admit.
But today being just the 2nd day, he starts making requests (I know he does although he can't speak) and I just caught him trying to chew my bed!
And just now he peed and pooed in my living room!
Thank God my dad didn't see it. I really have no idea how I'm going to toilet train him.
FML.

Anyway, after spending a whole day with him and my friends yesterday, I think he may be overworked. So he slept really early (10pm) and was quite still till this morning (7am).

I took him for a long walk (clearly overworking him again)...

Of course, when we got home, he became a carpet again.

And I've told people he's half-wolf which nobody believes or just dismiss me as a joke.
LOOK.

Oh well... Shall end off with this rather adorable photo of him :)

I do have this dilemma right now, despite it being just the second day.

My parents are not keen on keeping Jake cos he salivates non-stop, and has a dog scent.

So they are really mindful. Plus, he's high-maintenance and definitely deserves a huge bungalow, where there's a small garden for him to roam and be a carpet.

I really feel very attached to him now, I keep looking at him, thinking, "OMG this furball carpet of a dog is MINE?!" and yeah, I'm happy.

But should I give him up for adoption to a good family who will be able to better provide for him?

If you're reading this and would love to adopt this cute, obedient carpet, or know of any non-abusive, loving friends who own a huge place, please let me know!

Life: Random

2010-09-30T15:22:00.009+08:00

Today is the day my life changes.
Two long-awaited closures in a week, I like that very much.

Life: Thoughts

2010-09-27T10:39:00.003+08:00

My mother and brother move out today.

It seems like the final step that seals my parents' decision.

I feel conflicted.

On one hand, I do feel happy that my parents are finally free and after struggling for years of incessant fights and blaring arguments, they can move on and lead their separate lives.

Yet on the other, I will now return to an almost-empty huge home every day, unable to see my mother and wastrel of a spoilt brother. We don't hug and kiss on a daily basis, but we do catch up for a while sometimes...

Sigh. For almost 10 years, I've always looked forward to this day, and in fact, it would have been me who would move out with my mother. But that would leave my dad alone for the rest of his life, and much as I hate him (perhaps a mutual feeling), I can't possibly, as the elder, leave my dad to look after himself. It will be too cruel.

I have really learnt a lot from my family.

What I've gone through over the past 10 years has moulded me into who I am today - independent, self-reliant and strong. I am an emotional person, but on many levels, I believe my parents' divorce will press me on and give me yet another insight into life.

On another note, I've finally cleared things up with you, and I'm glad we sat down for a talk although it's overdue. It leaves me wondering if I've really been taken for a ride, but at this point of time, I'm happy that we've both come to a mutual understanding.

Travel: Hong Kong

2010-09-23T18:21:00.033+08:00

Hong Kong was wonderful.

This time it felt like a real trip, since I didn't do any sightseeing on my previous, to complete the Hong Kong experience.

Spent 3D with Sara...

Took the tram up to The Peak!
I never did much of the touristy stuff even when I went to other countries, so it was memorable.

Witnessed a beautiful sunset, and I spent the next hour tearing in silence,
thinking about how perfect it would have been had someone been with me, witnessing the magnificient view as well.
Wondering what the hell I've single-handedly done, to make things go so wrong.

Also went for an overpriced dinner atop The Peak.

We love our hotel!

Great breakfast next morning at Hong Kong MTR.
Their breakfast sets are cheap!
So are their pastries...
Pastries omg...

We also did another touristy visit to see the Giant Buddha on Lantau Island.
Boy, was it hot and we almost died.
Why didn't I, I heard you. Thanks.

Love the crystal cabin!

But it was worth climbing the flights of steps, to see this view...

I took 800+ photos but I really have to select my favorite few cos Blogger is, as you know, extremely cooperative and works realllllllllllly fast.

H&M along Queen's Street Central!
I went to 5 H&M outlets!
But only bought stuff from 3 of them...
I even went to the newly-opened one at Diamond Hill, but it was very disappointing!

OMG. Which reminds me now.
I completely forgot to check the Lanvin for H&M collection at Diamond Hill.

...
...
...

I just remembered now that I've been back for 2 days.
Okay. I must die.

I think I ate over 15 波罗包s and egg tarts during my stay! So cheap and yummy.

It was a 16th, so I wore a bicycle necklace to commerate the day.

Took the Star Ferry to view Victoria Harbour as well.

Oh, my camera died so no pictures from Victoria Harbour and Avenue of Stars.
Probably update when I get photos from Sara (which will take 2 forevers).

Haha which reminds me of that incident where I succesfully acted cute and teh-ed my way through to get an off-duty bus driver to drive us to the terminal, which wasn't even part of his bus route! Heard that he could have been fined if caught.

Shit, Amanda.

Off to Macau the next day, on Sara's invitation!

The Venetian had always been one of the places I wanted to go so badly, and it surely didn't disappoint.
It was over-the-top, glamorous, absolutely luxurious and opulent.
I love the place and will surely return for a good stay.

Actually, Macau really reminds me of Europe.
I can't really remember where of Europe, but the streets definitely looked like Rome. Or Venice. Or something.

Sara and her African Chicken...
Zzz.

Ruins of St. Paul...

And guess what?
The view atop Macau Square is strikingly similar to...

Spanish Square!

Isn't it?!
Of course Macau cannot compare to Rome, but it felt nice as well.

Oh I gotta say this, while we stood from above to view Macau, I was wondering about those people below, whether they would upskirt girls.

Seemed like nobody did it.

But when I went down later and deliberately looked up, I clearly saw a girl's white panties under her dress! So it's completely dangerous!

Why the hell would they use grills instead of concrete?

Sneaky right!

The casino was really classy as well.
I mean, the whole place is.
It's an entire city within The Venetian, it's just plain breathtaking.

I actually snapped some blurry shots of the casino but I deleted them, thinking I would take better ones later. Of course, I forgot to.

Did I mention, I lost HKD20 at a stupid game machine that (I swear) emitted mocking sounds?

I hate anything that's gotta do with luck, cos I know I don't have a single bit.

Even their toilets are beautiful.

So are their flowers...
Sara and I concluded that Hongkongers value their flowers, and everywhere we went, people were carrying fresh bouquets of flowers, for various occasions.
Ahh... They are probably just really good lovers.

From the outside...

I also had time alone and I sat at the bottom of this huge tower, just taking in the beauty of The Venetian. It was a lovely Saturday midnight. I would love to do that all over again.

Next day, I took a ferry back to Hong Kong myself, and hung around while waiting for Sharon to join me for the next 3D.

It was super hazy!

Then along the streets of Ladies Market, this guy was making clay flowers using his arms.
We just stopped to watch. Then another 30 people did.
He painstakingly made the flower, petal by petal, then leaf by leaf.
No one dared to ask how much was one but I asked and he mumbled something, which I couldn't catch.
I just left HKD20 in the hat.
I actually wanted to buy 2... But he said one person can only have 1, so the flower was given to Sharon :(

Finally, I managed to go to Strawberry Forever!
This cute cafe left such a deep impression on me from my earlier Hong Kong visit that I told myself I must always re-visit when I next go to Hong Kong.
I didn't manage to go to the same outlet, but I went to this one at Harbour City!

We ordered tons of food but this shot will suffice...
Strawberry everything... So good!

Victoria Harbour...

Lomography store just round the corner from my hotel!

Took a pricey HKD120 cab ride to Stanley Market, which I had no idea was so far off Central.
I thought it was probably 10km from the hotel. Turned out to be something like 500km.

Typhoon had kicked in and it was a storm on the island.

But I loved it. So gloomy, depressing and cold.

I think my favourite moments were going to Macau (visiting The Venetian, a casino for the first time, eating an authentic Portugese tart), witnessing the beautiful views from The Peak and of Victoria Harbour, re-visiting Strawberry Forever and...

Surviving cut hp lines, lost HKD and the typhoon, which caused us to panick at the airport without any flight details, and then we were stuck on the runway for hours.

A lot of people asked me why I didn't die (you especially, KKK), and I have no idea.
I really intended to, and hoped I would, since my life is pretty much over at this point.

Sadly I didn't, and I returned in one (bigger) piece, my mom had to clear my $1k phone debt (after yelling for hours and ending off with, "You have a lot of problems you know!"), and now, I am planning my next travel destination.

Hopefully, some island getaway or re-visit Macau and Hong Kong before end of the year.
If all goes well.

Lust: Tyler Shields II

2010-09-14T11:05:00.004+08:00

All I yearn for now is stability - learn from my mistakes and move on,
creating new memories with you, to be given another shot.

The highlight of our time was not how long we spent together, having fun.

But rather, the opportunity to have sat across you, held your hand in mine, slowly tracing the running veins from your fingers. Saying nothing at all.

An action so simple yet precious.

Photography: Edith

2010-09-12T14:30:00.010+08:00

Some of my personal favourites.

Lust: Les Trompe-L'Oeil De Chanel

2010-09-08T02:01:00.006+08:00

I have ordered two sets of the covetable Chanel temporary tattoos, Les Trompe-L'Oeil.

I love Chanel and while the 2.55 arm candy remains a distant dream,
I shall start off with these tattoos and then jewelry.

Of course one set is for myself!

But the reason I'm blogging this is cos I would like to ask...
Is anyone willing to have these temporary beauties on your body for a little photoset? :)

Lust: Tyler Shields I

2010-09-06T17:40:00.002+08:00

Life: Thoughts

2010-09-02T17:08:00.006+08:00

A story that I read somewhere, do take a read if you have the time.
By: Stephanie Halmilton

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting cancer for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son, I'm a loving husband.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.
- Matthew 19:6.

Life: Thoughts

2010-08-29T18:28:00.003+08:00

I realize that the hardest part of getting over someone is not the actual final decision.
It is to stop hoping.

Cos even after you part with that special person, you still hope,
and you do not give up contact.

But after a while, you realize that this special person, no longer thinks the same of you -
you are no longer special.

Then you hope.
So you channel all your energy on hoping, day in and out,
you are holding onto your phone, refreshing your emails.
Waiting.

And then the truth kicks in.
Feedback is not happening.

This person obviously does not have a conscience, and does not give (for lack of better phrase) -
a flying fuck.

Hence, with this conclusion and yet another insight on relationshits,
I have decided to stop committing long-term to anyone.

6 years, 8 years...
Nobody gives a shit.

The only affected person is me, it's my youth, my best years.

I will just channel all my energy now on work, saving $12k for my rhinoplasty (impossible), saving more money for traveling (slightly less impossible) and...

I don't know.
My plan (to save) will fail anyway.

I am a loser.

Life: Random

2010-08-28T06:50:00.006+08:00

Pleasant week I had, so pleasant I am actually blogging about it ♥

(partly also cos I can't sleep)

Monday - Dinner with Sara @ The Cafe Cartel
Tuesday - Drinks with Sharon and Aldran @ Southbridge Jazz @ 7atenine
Wednesday - Bedridden from 8pm to 8am
Thursday - 6-hour K Box marathon with Sharon and Aldran
Friday - Drinks with Edith and Serene @ Coffee Bar K

Going to Hong Kong next month, and it's exciting as I didn't go last year,
but this year shall make up for it!
I will (finally) go to The Peak, and enjoy Strawberry Forever Dessert Cafe again!

Anyway...

I can't decide between (retarded-on-me) bangs or a side-swept fringe.

Also, the main reason why I could not fall back into sleep was cos I noticed an aged hand in these 2 photos, which is neither Edith's nor mine.

I think it's more freaky in this photo as it seemed to be reaching out for my neck...

You know what month it is...
It being a ladies' night, the waiter gave us face masks,
of which Edith got Pearl and Caviar (wtf),
Serene got Honey and Aloe Vera (not bad),
and I got Aloe Vera and Anti-Aging (WTF???)

I was quite upset.
So I jokingly told the waiter and asked if I could change the latter,
to which he returned with a quizzical face and said he can't.

That's fine.

But now, seeing these 2 photos makes me wonder the reason why he gave me that mask in the first place.
Could it be...
The face he saw was not mine?

Life: Rant

2010-08-27T02:47:00.005+08:00

Previous entry deleted because deep down I am a coward, haha.

It is 3am and I just got home from 6 hours of karaoke. On a weekday.
3 crazy nights of drinks and loads of deep-fried finger food within 5 days.

My skin is still not improving despite taking Diane-35 as a last resort.

I will definitely die soon. I know it.

This is the way I want to live my life from now on.
Away with rational thinking and rules, yes to a "fuck-it" mentality and dead heart.

Completely bedridden and wasted now.
Next entry for you as promised, Pinkpink!

Life: Rant

2010-08-23T23:19:00.005+08:00

Although my relationships are in shambles,

I have lost faith in (man)kind,
and I occasionally feel suicidal these days,
but I must 振作 like what I always tell people.

It will not be easy.
After I have lost you,
try hard as I might to salvage the relationship,
my efforts to make you understand and reach out to you just backfired.

I keep playing back the events over and over in my head,
thinking where it could have gone wrong so badly.
All I ask for is your feedback, but I get none.

Honestly, I would do things differently if I could,
but it would not change a thing.
Some facts remain, and if you are destined to leave, you will, no matter the years.

This is altogether a new setback to my shitty life.

But I have my Hong Kong trip in September to look forward to.
I am finally doing this.

I am very enthralled, in fact, it's the only thing that drives me forward now.

And Sara, you're right.
Although special people may leave me, but at least I have a constant - work.
Thankfully.

Fuck My Life

2010-08-22T21:36:00.004+08:00

Hi there, the pleasure is yours,
simply cos my life is way too fucked up right now and be thankful it's not your life.

My own mom said to me today, "Girl ah, nothing is going right for you. Your relationships are in a mess, your pimples are not disappearing, your weight is not going down a single bit, don't even know whether you're working at all, you're forever broke, you look like a retard with your red hair and bangs, you look so silly and stupid lor... Fuck your life."

Thanks a lot, mom.
Truly appreciate it.

Britney Spears is amazing.
I can relate to every single track of hers.

On loop now is Blur, which is exactly how I have been feeling all these days. Weeks. Months.
Sigh. FML.

Turn the lights out
This shit is way too fucking bright
Wanna put my eyes out
If you wanna mess with my eye sight
Just let me get my head right
Where the hell am I?

Who are you?
What we do, last night? Hey, yea yeah
Who are you?
What we do last night? Hey, yea yeah

Can’t remember what I did last night
Maybe I shouldn’t have given in
But I just couldn’t fight
Hope I didn’t, but I think I might
Everything, everything is still a blur

Can’t remember what I did last night
Everything, everything is still a blur
Can’t remember what I did last night
Everything, everything is still a blur
Can’t remember what I did last night
Everything, everything is still a blur

What’s your name and
Can you come and hand me all my things?
I think I need an aspirin
Better yet, I need to get up out of here
I gotta get my head right
Where the hell am I?

Who are you?
What we do, last night?
Hey, yea yeah

Can’t remember what I did last night
Maybe I shouldn’t have given in
But I just couldn’t fight
Hope I didn’t, but I think I might
Everything, everything is still a blur

Life: Thoughts

2010-08-19T17:35:00.004+08:00

♥

One of the most painful moments in my life,
so heartbreaking no words can describe.

A loss I never expected,
a loss I never wanted.

A loss that makes me slip into indefinite oblivion.

♥

Life: J

2010-08-16T09:22:00.003+08:00

Exactly 3 months ago, we were taking a morning dip in Swissotel's pool.

It was our 6th anniversary and things were blissful.

Who would have known all these would happen... You hate me now, and don't believe a thing I say. And that hurts the most, having the person I wake up to, and love for the longest time, detest me now.

Had I known, I would never have popped some questions, or allowed for things to happen, believe me.

Up till last weekend, I was still waiting to hear from you. I really intended to make a clean break and await to start afresh with you. But I never heard from you although you said you would text. I waited for days to hear from you, I kept checking my phone. Then I know that perhaps, it would not happen anymore.

Timing really plays a part. Things always happen at the most inopportune times, and that was what happened to us.

I loved you and your family with all my heart, J. You know I truly did.
You are the only person who has seen my best and worst, gone through heaven and hell with me, and gave me nothing but the best.

We had plans for our future, and I genuinely felt that you were the person who would walk my life with me.

I am not just saying it, but you are a beautiful person, and I hope you meet someone more deserving and perhaps, less expectant and horrible than me.

I can never put up an entry about you anymore.
This is the last I can give, and I have to move on now.

Every 16th will still be special to me, and I will always be thankful for the lovely things you have done for me all these years.

Life: Transit

2010-08-15T10:24:00.010+08:00

- Exiting with memories / Beginning raw and light -

Life: S

2010-08-12T19:15:00.005+08:00

The best memories are felt with the heart.

You can never be replaced.

Life: Rant

2010-08-09T01:12:00.003+08:00

Ever since I used Clarins, my skin has deteriorated from bad to worse.

I don't even feel like going out much now, much less take photos.
It's a little exaggerated, but I hate looking into the mirror now.

I completely regret investing so much in Clarins, thinking that because it's made from plant extracts, it should be great for my skin. Perhaps mine is a remote case as many people seem to swear by Clarins.

From my trip last week around 30+ L'Oreal counters in Kuala Lumpur, my table is now filled with samples from Biotherm, Lancome, Kiehl's and Shu Uemura.

I also went to rant at Clarins, so I have more samples from Clarins. Whatever the hell for, I have no idea.

I bought Shu Uemura's one-sold-every-20-secs cleansing oil, and I already think it's overrated. I have 6 cleansers sitting in my bathroom.

Also, I bought some products from The Body Shop just now, and I am also thinking of trying out SK-II should all else fail.

On top of skincare, my Dior foundation had to finish like today, and now I am looking at getting a two-way cake from Dior, Chanel or Lancome, although I bought a new foundation just now.

I just want to try everything.

I have been having breakouts for more than a month now. I mean, what the fuck man? Does it have to do with my mood? Diet? I don't drink enough water? Don't eat enough fruits? I sometimes go under the sun? I have to be happier and less worried? Sleep more?

WHAT IS GOING ON?

Every Beauty Advisor is recommending me different products and telling me different things!

I am so stressed from work, relationships, family problems, housing, bills, weight, wisdom tooth, drying hair, chipped nail and now, my skin.

Seriously, I think I am a real good epitome of FML.
I wish I could auction myself off for $5 on eBay to someone on the other side of the world, lose my memory and be a farmer for the rest of my life. Or something.

Life: For You, J

2010-08-06T22:53:00.003+08:00

Christina Aguilera - Stronger Than Ever

What you gave me I know you gave me
You remind me all the time
And how you hurt me and you don't see it
Again I am the child

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail
And in order to please you I've abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me when you push me away
I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way

How I wish you, you suffered less too
It tears us both apart
And it's not pretty the way you criticize me
And how it breaks my heart

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

How I wish you knew, how much I need you
I feel like running but I can't abandon you
You avoid my gaze, withdraw from me these days
You punish me for trying to be all that you wanted
What more can I do?

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

Travel: Kuala Lumpur

2010-08-04T10:21:00.010+08:00

My first impromptu business trip, to Kuala Lumpur.

It was meant to be a 3D no-nonsense all-business trip, but we extended it to 5D due to the amount of work we had to do...

Kuala Lumpur was really quite boring, though I was impressed by the huge malls and countless branded stores. I wish I had more time to shop!

But apart from the shopping, I don't think I would visit Kuala Lumpur for pleasure anymore.

View from the first shitty hotel we stayed at...

One of the worst hotels I've ever stayed in my life.

A little shopping...
AND WORK ALL OVER MY BED.

Sigh. I am tired of trying to convince people that I do work.

Then after 3 horrible days, we moved to another hotel...
Probably the best thing that happened during the trip.

Doing work on the bed is really not a good idea... My eyes tend to close.

We ate so much. Or rather, I.
I kept eating and eating.

I must say that the ribeye steak was one of the best I've eaten in my whole life.

Also had time to hit the pool for a while on both days...

I died after a Pina Colada. I was a gone case, bedridden for the next hour.

And we took a 5-hour coach back!
I always thought coaches would take like 2 hours.
Fuck.

Business trips are gooooooooooood.
Everything is paid for, I love!

Life: Random

2010-07-26T10:08:00.004+08:00

I got a call from someone who asked if I do product shooting.

I hesitated as I had no idea what he was talking about.
It took me a while to realize as it's been a long time since I got such emails and calls.

Omg.
I can't believe there are people who still see a potential in me.
I gave up on photography since a year ago.

There was a long period when I harboured hopes of turning professional, and even wanted to take up a degree in photography at NTU.

But the truth kicked in and I know it would be a long, arduous path should I decide to become professional.
So... I settled for less (mostly I am very lazy) and now my passion has pretty much died down.

I still have the interest, but turning professional... I don't think so.

A lot of times, I think about "what could have been...", when I should be thinking "where do I go from here", isn't it?

Life: Random

2010-07-23T09:11:00.006+08:00

I wish hotel stayovers could be done with friends as well, though I am not sure if any of my friends are / would be interested in such weekends indulgence.

Friends, or a friend.

Then comes the problem of the friend being a male or female. Going to a hotel with a male friend will definitely send the wrong signals, but going with a female friend is foreign to me. I have female friends, but I definitely can't expect the same level of spontaneity.

There are many new kids on the block, and I haven't been doing a weekend getaway for almost 2 months!

To be honest, people usually frown on the idea of chilling out at a hotel and think it's probably all physical intimacy. But no, I find hotel stayovers so relaxing and calming. It takes the stress away, and you don't even have to catch a flight there.

I love hotels around Robertson / Clarke Quay the best as they are all so laidback yet remain rather cosmopolitan.

For me, (infinity) pools and beds are the most important when I am selecting a hotel.

Amara Sanctuary Resort's:

Naumi's:

The Club's:

I will be trying Park Hotel Clarke Quay soon.

And OMG I discovered another hotel, Park Regis, that's opening later this year!
Fuck!

The photos are orgasmic!

Okay keep calm, keep calm.

Life: J

2010-07-19T11:14:00.004+08:00

I am being selfish, aren't I?
I know I am.

I want to keep you close and not lose you, but I don't want to move forward.

I don't want to make any decisions that I will regret, neither do I want to make one now under my impaired judgement.

Yet, we can't possibly keep dragging our feet.

Or rather, I.

I am the problem.

For all the reasons that are stopping me - I know the bottomline is, I am plain selfish.

Why must I be forced to choose?
Why?

Life: J

2010-07-16T02:03:00.007+08:00

A spectrum of emotions -

mainly melancholy and forlornness.

Life: S

2010-07-14T04:44:00.005+08:00

Curiosity.

Desire.

Commitment.

Life: S

2010-07-10T21:19:00.020+08:00

I have to admit now, my amnesia is serious.

Looking through Shawn's archives forced me to accept that the 3 of us have been to so many places and done so much.

I am in disbelief.

So we did meet while F1 happened...

Coffee Club @ Marina Square...

Halloween '08 @ East Coast Park...

Halloween '08 @ Zouk.
Wow.
That night was crazy, wasn't it?

We had a sketch portrait done @ Great World City?!

Oh... That fateful night @ Dempsey Hill...
(Si Han, your hair resembles the sour cola snake candy)

@ Rebel...

@ Fashion Bar...

Forgive the matching waiter-like attire.

@ Grapevine...

@ CSC Bukit Batok...

Was this Christmas '08?
I didn't even know we met up!
I looked like a little slut.

@ Mount Faber's Jewel Box?!
SERIOUSLY?

@ Great World City's Bangkok Jam...

You kid me not.
We went to DBL O before?!?!

Oh this I remember.
Quarantine period during your birthday last year.

But... I bought you slices of cakes??

@ Marina Barrage...

I miss you, doll.
When are we 3 hanging out together again!

And @ Club Street's Indochine.
If not for the photos, I would not have believed what you said.

Guess you were right.
It was something gradual that grew over time.

Life: Rant

2010-07-09T09:34:00.003+08:00

I am thinking, "Why not me?"

Life: J

2010-07-06T12:10:00.005+08:00

Overnight, I became a cheating, lying bitch.
You hate me now. You hate me so much.

How did we come to this?
How did we throw everything out of the window, and everything just dissipated in 2 days?

Am I really the sole cause of all this?

I tried so hard to salvage it, you know.
I am sure you know.
I try to tell you to look past this period, and look in the long run.

But... no.
You tell me I am such a fucked up person, you have been a bloody fool, I am no longer the person you once knew.

Your words sting, because I know I am confused now.
My mind is clouded.
But I did not change.

Did I really change over the weeks?
I know that my actions probably show otherwise, but all the things I've told you... why don't you believe me?

Why do you think I am lying to you?
You think I staged an entire show just to... I don't even know.

All these don't matter anymore.
I have probably lost myself, and I am sorry.

I truly am.

Life: Random

2010-07-05T15:45:00.004+08:00

I Googled 'most beautiful places in the world',

and of course apart from the usual wonders of the world,
I stumbled upon these pictures.

I especially love the shots of Sahara Desert and Niagara Falls.
Magnificient, aren't they?

I think the guys who manage this magazine are unbelievably lucky.
I lose track of time whenever I browse the website.

Let me end this entry with my current desktop wallpaper...

Life: J

2010-06-28T12:22:00.005+08:00

I haven't been myself - level-headed and objective.

Things are surreal, and I have no idea how to get out of this dream.

I am sorry to put you through this.
Distanced as we may be, memories are the best testament...

Travel: Bangkok

2010-06-25T13:24:00.014+08:00

Bangkok was amazing.
I can't wait to do a 6D5N next time.

Room service... which sucked!

Platinum Mall sucked, by the way.
Although someone still managed to buy like, 30 shirts, which all look the same.

2 sessions of massage which were not enjoyable at all...

Happy 21st in advance, Oh Shawn...!
Hope you enjoyed dinner at Hard Rock Cafe :)

That wraps up my trip to Coconut and Tuk-tuk Land...
Can't wait to do it again...
Can't help but relive the moments in my mind...

My heart palpitates when I'm enveloped by you.
Nothing else needs to be spelt out.

Life: Random

2010-06-23T14:57:00.007+08:00

My passion in travelling has been ignited, and I truly want to visit places with a special someone.

Revisiting these places in Europe...

Mapping these places...

And possibly getting married here...

If all goes well, I'll be revisiting Hong Kong and Switzerland this year!
I am so excited :D

Sometimes, it's all about who you travel with, isn't it?

Life: J

2010-06-15T17:54:00.006+08:00

Keep Calm and Carry On.
In memory of every sixteenth.

Life: S

2010-06-13T03:01:00.004+08:00

sweet / hilarious / animated / warm / noisy;
affection, comfort, memories.

Life: J

2010-06-11T20:58:00.005+08:00

Dear Baboon,

If you ever come by to catch up on what you've missed out on all these years, you will see that I've ceased to dedicate long entries to you.

I've stopped typing emotional entries because you've never bothered.

In fact, I have not done things that I used to do for you - for a long time now.

I was sucked into a dream, a belief, that we would eventually path out to a future.

Some things when done too late, remain late.
Good times will come to an end, just like us.

The beauty of these years will always remain on my mind.
Much as my memory constantly fails me, I will try my best to remember as much of you as possible.

Someday, your smile, smell and caress will linger...

But now, I am ready to move on.
You should, too.

Goodbye, darl.

Lust: Haley Bennett

2010-06-08T01:03:00.005+08:00

Haley Bennett, I will die to give you my love.

Your face is perfection.

And this photo of you kills me.

It really does.

Life: S

2010-06-07T00:35:00.004+08:00

I never knew I was susceptible.

I always thought I was guarded, but it turns out I am defenceless and weak.
I have opened my heart to you.

I don't know where this is going or just exactly what I am doing,
I only know it feels right.

Tell me I am not imagining, tell me I am right about you.

Lust: Maison Moschino

2010-06-01T10:06:00.008+08:00

I always love Moschino, especially their timepieces because they are so fun yet wearable at the same time.

However, I just found out that they actually have a boutique hotel in the heart of Milan, and the hotel is orgasmic, just from the photos!

I mean, I can just imagine the beauty of the hotel! I can't rave enough about hotel stayovers.

Anyway Maison Moschino is really unique with all these beautiful rooms...

and my favorite room out of all... Sleeping in a Ballgown.

Even their restaurant, Clandestino Milano, boasts of seats that look like this!

How cute is that!!! *puppy eyes*

Apparently I can buy the furniture that's in the hotel! If so, I really will consider buying the ballgown bed in red! It's opulent, plush and velvet! It is made for me.

Should I should I? ♥

Just found out the price. Bed without mattress costs 4500 euros, and shipping to Singapore costs 5400 euros.
WTF. Shipping of the bed is more expensive than the bed, which will come without mattress.

That's SGD17000 plus.

*stabs self*

Life: S

2010-05-31T13:20:00.004+08:00

Life: S

2010-05-26T14:24:00.003+08:00

It is a real dilemma, as you are almost the right person for me.

Life: Rant

2010-05-23T02:56:00.003+08:00

This is really crazy but I may be unfaithful.

Miu Miu has officially become my favorite brand now instead of Dior.
It is big news okay.

To be honest, I don't know what's up with Dior's bag collections now... The bags get more and more hideous, and I've never truly felt the classic Lady Dior was gorgeous.
What's wrong with me?

I have gone ahead to order the Miu Miu coffer in another color.
I am contemplating another wallet as well.

On another note, I am thinking of trying out SK II or Clarins for my skincare regime.
I don't think Dior would be suitable for me.

So I guess my love affair with Dior is over...
For now.

I feel really sad. It feels almost like a breakup.

Life: I Miss The '90s

2010-05-20T22:01:00.005+08:00

While finding music to expand my stupid iPhone's library, I rediscovered pop from the '90s, and I must say I miss them all so much!

Of course I only post my favourites. I hated Backside Boys, A1, Sugababes and Atomic Kitten, so no pictures of them! *big grin*

M2M!
They were so hot back then, with their pretty faces and saccharine-sweet voices.
I love "Pretty Boy" and "Mirror Mirror".

t.A.T.u!
They were angry, feisty and open.
So open they were lesbians. Fake ones.
They used their fake sexuality as a publicity stunt, sigh!
"All The Things She Said" was a classic, wasn't it!

Bet you don't know who this is!
LeAnn Rimes!
"Can't Fight The Moonlight" and that's pretty much it!

N*Sync!
I adored them, especially "Bye Bye Bye"!
Their dance from that hit was all the rage for a year!
Well, Justin Timberlake is still quite a rage, I guess.

And there were the "4 Pop Princesses"!

Jessica Simpson, who seriously looks like a real-life barbie!
I also think she resembles Britney Spears from certain angles, no?
Anyway I'm not sure what hit single she had... Maybe "Irresistible".

Mandy Moore!
She was such a sweetheart. I think she still is.
She had many hit singles, like "Candy", "Walk Me Home" and "I Wanna Be With You".

Oh Christina Aguilera...
I think she was the most vocally-gifted out of the lot.
Her songs were nice, but I just don't know what's happening to her now.
She's dressing more and more like trash whore Lady Gaga, which should not be her adopted style!
Sigh. I believe one day she will wake up to her senses.
"Genie In A Bottle" and "My Reflection" were the hits that propelled her to fame.
My personal favourites are "Hurt" and "Save Me From Myself". Such beautiful songs.

And the queen of them all, Britney Spears!
It has been a crazy decade for her... the gossips, divorces, kids, lawsuits took over her music.
But she will always be one of the highest-earning pop acts, isn't it?
Almost all her songs are hits!
Personal favourites are "Oops!... I Did It Again!", "I'm A Slave For You", "Everytime", "Stronger", "Don't Go Knockin' On My Door", "Lucky", "Outrageous" and tons more.

Stacie Orrico!
I think her voice is really unique, I don't know why she's not famous.
Perhaps she lacks an X-factor.
But I love her classics, like "More To Life" and "Stuck".

S Club 7!
Oh my God, I cried when they broke up.
Till now I still don't get it. Why were they so cruel.
They were all sunshine, fun-lovin' and awesome...
Remember "Bring It All Back", "Sunshine", "Natural", "Don't Stop Movin'", "S Club Party", "Two In A Million" and "Never Had A Dream Come True"?
I miss them.

Blue!
One thing for sure is they could have renamed themselves sometimes less generic.
I always have difficulties downloading their songs cos Blue is so vague, ugh!
That aside, I loved loved loved Duncan (2nd from right)!
Their hits are "All Rise", "Breathe Easy", "Fly By" and "U Make Me Wanna".
I actully love their other less-known songs which were so damn hard to find and download...

98 Degrees!
All their love songs, who could resist ~~liking~~ listening to them!
"The Hardest Thing", "I Do (Cherish You)" and "Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche)" were the best.

And who can forget the best-selling pop act, ever.

Spice Girls!
Who were never meant to break up...
Millions of girls cried, didn't we?
They were the best.
They were divas.
They were icons.
They were unforgettable.

Well they did reunite for a world tour 2 years ago, but the charm has since been lost.

I can't even list their hits because there are simply too many.
Every single song is a wonder.
I still know all the lyrics to every single track of theirs.
They were simply amazing.
Were. Are. I don't know.
Personal favourites are "2 Become 1", "Mama", Viva Forever", "Spice Up Your Life", "Holler", "Wannabe", "Who Do You Think You Are", "Stop", "Goodbye" and like 6000 others.

I must download all their music! Every single act mentioned above!
I really miss those primary school days.
My friends and I would belt out these tunes in school, in class, after school, at home...

Those were the times.

Times fly by, too fast.
I know I say it very often but I really can't believe I'm 21 already.

Somehow feels like, 61.

I wish Spice Girls would have another reunion and come to Singapore!!!!!

Life: 6th Anniversary ♥

2010-05-13T11:52:00.006+08:00

1st weekend at Studio M.
Really, really love the place!
We love the loft concept, the hotel was gorgeous, the pool was long and beautiful, location was good, everything was perfect!

In fact, we've agreed to follow closely to Studio M's home decor, for ours next time!

However, there were too many people due to an opening promotion.
I think we will return again for another weekend stayover within this year!

2nd weekend at Swissotel The Stamford.
Nice view from 56th level, but very forgettable hotel.
Average swimming pool and service staff, though drinks by the pool were delicious.
Check-in took 2 hours, which was ridiculous.
Room was spacious but we hated the decor.

This hotel really sucks up to Caucasians.
Wtf, we were treated second-class in our own country, which so should not be the case right?!

Will not visit again.

I am addicted to staying at hotels.
I wish I was in the hospitality line now!

Life: Thoughts

2010-04-30T17:16:00.003+08:00

Work has really been stressful - so much so I left abruptly one evening, to the shock of my one and only colleague.

Everything has been spiralling downward since a week ago, and it really sucks. I am so glad it's finally Friday.

I don't really understand how politics can take place when there's just that many people in our office. It's stifling and the pressure is understating.

On a good note, today marks my 2nd month since I've started work, everything has been awesome so far, in fact, I'm enjoying myself, save for the recent spate of events that made me rethink my decision on staying for the next year.

Sigh. It doesn't help that I've still got to worry about University and my house plans...

Sometimes I think I'm presented with more than I can handle.
I really want to be 16 all over again.
I'll definitely do everything differently.

Isn't it funny - we are all thinking the same?

Life: Thoughts

2010-04-25T17:48:00.003+08:00

I have been thinking of relocating a lot more than before.

I have always played with the idea of uprooting to Hong Kong, but of recent months, I realize that it may not be as ideal as I thought it would be.

And so I was thinking of the possibilities of moving to a more relaxing place, in particular, Australia.

It's all initial stage thoughts now, but I won't be surprised if some day I just decide to, alone or with someone else.

There are so many things I would like to do - cooking, sewing, handicrafts, photography and dance.

All of which I keep making excuses for - lack of time and commitment.

I know I should really find time to do what I like, but there's always one thing or another to blame, it's just never me.

I don't really know what I've been so busy with, probably work and J. Just work and J, but it drains me out. I don't do anything else much apart from the occasional meet ups with close friends.

Also, as I've come to see it clearly now, turning 21 makes me liable for a string of things - filing taxes, paying bills, checking CPF balance, banking in cheques, expense claims and most recently, my first mass briefing with mystery shoppers, client, my boss and colleagues, in a conference room.

Of course that was all over in 40 mins, but we had a round of "celebratory" drinks after, at Penny Black.

That meant a lot to me, cos thankfully I didn't screw up too badly. I was embarrassed on 2 occasions, but let's skip that.

Drinks with my boss and colleagues was really enjoyable. Sitting back and talking about other things apart from work...

Seeing a different side to my colleagues.

I want more moments like this.

So... what I am trying to say is, work is the big part of my life right now, and then J. And then my plans to either relocate alone, or get a studio apartment of my own.

At this point of time, it is crystal clear that I will not be living with either of my parents, so I'm pretty much on my own. Already.

Sigh. The pains of growing up.

I want to be 16 all over again, and savour every single moment.

Slowly.

Lust: Dior Summer Collection 2010

2010-04-22T22:42:00.006+08:00

Lust entries are almost always Dior.
Are also almost always reserved only for Dior.

I can't take this anymore.
Dior has got to stop making such gorgeous stuff that I must own, but can't bear to use.

I am getting all of the above in June.

Nothing can stop me.

I can't believe after all these years, I am not a Dior member!
But I will be very soon!

Life: Thoughts

2010-04-21T21:11:00.004+08:00

Because I am a coward and cowards have no courage to tell you straight,
I will have to put it down here, hoping you might catch the hint.

First of all, I simply don't understand why you are constantly depressed and broadcasting your depression to the whole wide world, on Facebook, MSN and/or blog.

Secondly, what exactly do you want to achieve from announcing all your unhappiness?
Opinions, listening ear and/or sympathy?

Last point is - why are you even depressed??

Is your life really that shitty?
Or so you think it is?

You're not even remotely poor. Your family is rich.
You get to study elsewhere, leave this pathetic place and start afresh.
You have a boyfriend, for crying out loud.
Your boyfriend dotes you and you don't feel special enough?
It's not like you're single and have zero friends.
You have tons of friends, why are you always denying that?
Your ex is over you and has moved on.
Can you just get that into your head?
I also have problems with J, and that's my business.
Don't ask someone else about my relationship, just cos yours is unstable.
What, it makes you happier and more contented if mine is as problematic?

I don't need sympathy, so I don't tell anyone my problems.
I will feel embarassed even, cos what if my problems are nothing compared to yours?
Aren't I giving you more problems?
If there's anyone I want to sympathize, it's old folks and then myself.
Not you.

I can't even care enough about myself,
I won't put on a facade and pretend to care for you, about you, anymore.

It's fine when you confide in me - I like you as a friend and I want to be there for you.
But not fine anymore, when you only talk to or meet me cos you need more attention and sympathy.

I don't like you anymore, and I can do without your friendship.

Life: Rant

2010-04-09T19:02:00.002+08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Nothing excites me anymore. Nothing.

I work till 9pm almost every day and I don't want to go home,
I take long bus journeys so I reach home later,
I don't talk much to people,
I feel jaded thinking of the friends I have,
I don't even look forward to the weekends now.

What the...?
It's 7pm on a Friday and I'm still at work.

I'm a loser.

Life: A Long Entry

2010-04-05T00:59:00.014+08:00

So much going through my head, it warrants a long entry!

Firstly, Happy Belated 21st, Sara! :)
Sorry I couldn't make it but you're top on my priority list, looking forward to dinner with you this week!
May the best things happen to you cos you're a nice soul and nice things happen to nice souls!
Confirm dinner soon!

Secondly, sorry I can't make it for dinner tonight with you,
But Happy 21st in advance, Serene! :)
You're an awesome friend, and possibly the most independent friend I have.
I'm sure you'll reap what you sow very soon :)
Study hard and don't be lazy okay!
I love you!

Okay birthday shout-outs over...
Moving on to the long weekend that just happened!
Gah it's over, and it's a Monday, and Mondays are blue.

So over the weekend, J and I headed out quite a lot, can't remember to where anymore.
But the weather was fantastic! Continuous rain. I love it.

I didn't edit out the raindrops in the following photos cos that was how I took them...
I stupidly forgot to wind down the window.
But it's okay, the raindrops will stay in the photos.

My face is as round as a pumpkin.
And a watermelon.
And a toilet roll.
Everything together.
That's how round it is.

Lastly, sorry I've never blogged about you before,
but thanks for all the fun, good, crazy, wacky times we have,
you'll always be as precious to me, as I am to you (or so you claim)!

Thanks Zhan Rui, you're a kickass friend to have :)
You make me realize it's okay to have 10 shitty friends, as long as I have 1 good friend for keeps,
and that's you, for me! :)

Otherwise, it's work, work, work now!

Still cannot believe I'm actually working.
It's my 6th week at work!

Many ongoing campaigns at the same time, I can die dealing with nincompoops.